There has been a ton of controversy about this book series and now it has played on the big screen. There has been talk of it being weird, disgusting, and abusive. I have yet to watch the movie but have seen the trailers and I have read all three of the books out of…curiosity. Yeah right…I don’t think this story is any of the words that I just listed. I believe that this story should be taken place in the boundaries of marriage though. I think bringing spice into your sex life is a wonderful thing but make sure that both people agree on what they both feel comfortable with. Sex is a gift from God to married people, why not have fun with it?
In the books Christian tells Anastasia about safe words, that if she feels uncomfortable or wants him to stop, to use them. He repetitively tells her and makes sure that she knows that he will only go as far as she wants him to. This is important when experimenting with products, positions or whichever you wish to bring into the bedroom or playroom…Make sure that you won’t hurt each other physically, emotionally, or mentally.
Christian might seem like a creep-o in the first movie of this series, especially if you have not read the books. He actually is actually a very generous man and he shows that to Anastasia throughout the book series. He does have a hot temper when it comes to some other guy trying to hit on Anastasia but what guy wouldn’t take a slug at a dude hitting on his girl? Christian lays it all out on the table in contract form of what he is wishing to happen in their sex life, he tells Anastasia that she can cross off the list whatever she is not comfortable with. He never pressures her to do anything and he makes sure that she understands that she can leave whenever she wishes to.
Have Fun With It-(Spoiler Alert: Don’t read if you plan on reading the books)
In the series Christian is not seeking out this type of sex life for the fun of it, he does have control and dominance issues from his childhood. He does heal from this throughout the story and Anastasia helps him with this. She wants an actual relationship without the “playroom,” and at the end of the story they find a balance between what they both want. I think that’s important in any sex life is to find balance of what you both want, talk about your fantasies, what you like and don’t like. When your partner is speaking about what they want try not to laugh or make fun of them, it’s sometimes is hard to talk about the deepest desires in the bedroom.
Try it Out
Don’t rule anything out unless you truly feel uncomfortable with it. Who knows, you might actually enjoy what your partner is asking from you. After you try it be sure to discuss how you felt and what could be done differently. You’re going to be with this person for a long time, wouldn’t it be nice to know exactly what pleases or displeases them? I think a lifetime of boring sex can easily be fixed with communication.
Don’t Take Offense
If your partner tells you that something doesn’t feel good, try not to get offended. It might be hard, especially for guys…but would you like to fake pleasure every time you are having sex?
I am not saying go and buy whips, handcuffs or whichever, just to be more open to change in your sex life, especially if it needs a start up. Sex is a beautiful thing only to be shared in marriage. Relationships get way too complicated once sex is involved and there is no marital commitment. Try new things to make your marriage more interesting, only good can come out of you trying. Kudos to you for putting in the effort of pleasing your partner more if you are the one to initiate the spark. 😉
Thank you for reading! Criticism, praise, suggestion, thoughts, questions, please leave them with me 🙂